If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
