is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
