My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to walk on stilts...naked
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
