in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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