his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
