girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
