Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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