I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
