so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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