I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
