Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
