I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
