the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am one with the molecules
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
