it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
