so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
