Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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