i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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