I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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