I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
