no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
