honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
