"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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