We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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