Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
