Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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