You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize