I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
