dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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