the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
