i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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