Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
