i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
