Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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