so that wasnt chicken after all
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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