I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
