I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
