don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
