So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
