Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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