There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
