i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
