why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
