Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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