She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
