Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
