thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
