Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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