So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
