She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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