whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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