i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
