so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
