After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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