New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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