I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
