Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
