I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
