return my video game
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
