You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
