I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
