we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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