I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Randomize
