haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
