My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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